Running With Scissors
by Psychosomatic Insomniac
Summary: Alexander's gone and our Goth girl Rae is feeling pretty down. So when everyone's favorite soccer player whisks her away, what'll happen when the Goth-guy comes back to stay?
1. Bloody Nose

_Alright, so. This is my first real attempt at starting "Can't You See?" over again. I'm leaving it up for all to see but I don't think I'll be finishing it. Instead, I'm going to try and bring the original plot forward in this new, and hopefully better, fic. I want to try and take things slower, and with more grace. I've improved since that first story and I wanna show you guys that. So...here goes nothing._

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Kisses and never claimed to, because if I did, Trevor would've admitted his undying love for Raven and the two would've skipped off into a neon sunset together. So, don't sue the fangirl, please.**_

_No offense to Alexander x Raven fans, but it's wayy too predictable to put the two Goth kiddies together. "You're dark, I'm dark, so I love you. But oh wait, I'm a vampire so I can't get too close to you because, well, then I might just kill you." - That's got little depth and it's starting to get really, reallyy annoying._

_So! Read on, Traven fans, read on._

_(Rated M just to be safe..)_

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><p>I always thought I was destined to be with someone different, someone strange, like me. Someone who didn't mind dancing in the dark and shrinking away from the light of the sun. And when I finally met that someone, fell so incredibly and totally in love with them, I realized something: I'd grown up, grown out of my childish fantasies of vampire kisses and love bites. I wanted something real, some<em>one<em> real. But of course, there were some complications in this little epiphany of mine. It took a break-up, a break-down, a misunderstanding, and a huge one-eighty.

People are going to talk about it, that's all they ever do in this sleepy little town. But I want to get my version in first, and then the gossip girls can go back to kissing up and kissing ass.

Because this is how it happened and the way it happened, with a little embellishment thrown in, just for the fun of it.

xxx

His absence left an endless void where my heart should have been, filled with blank space and blood that had nowhere left to go. The whole thing was horribly cliché and said countless times by all the other damsels in distress. So where was my knight when I really needed help killing off my fire-breathing-demons?

_Where are you_, _Alex?_ _Where the hell are you?_

I was out of the sun by now but the glare of it left stars dancing across my vision. Becky was nowhere to be found and I didn't have the heart to ruin her good-morning kisses with Matt. But really, I just didn't want to see her so hopelessly in love when I was so ridiculously alone. I pushed past clusters of the other kids in the hall in a half-hearted attempt to make it to first period on time. I heard the vicious whispers, tried my best to ignore the hard stares. Why should I give a shit about what people said? Just because I'd been losing sleep and a bunch of weight did _not_ mean I'd turned to drugs. Sometimes I wanted to, sometimes I needed something to numb the pain.

And I wouldn't have to do anything about it if I could just make it through half the day without seeing-

"Trevor," I offered a pretty smile and a three-second warning for him to move. I was so not in the mood, today.

When he didn't budge I shoved him back against the locker so fast, Peter Parker and all his spidey-senses would've been jealous.

"Never knew you wanted me that much, babe," He smirked down at me and the gleam of the flourescents made his eyes that much greener, so much more vibrant than my own.

"Trev, honey, do we really have to do this thing right now?"

I could feel about twenty pairs of eyes drilling holes into the back of my head. The girls at my school were too stupid for guns, but I'm sure anyone could point, aim and shoot.

"Of course we do, sweets. Sit back, relax, and watch the show," The smirk only grew wider, twisting that gorgeous face into the one I'd always remembered, always hated. He leaned down to whisper, "Cause you know the freaks bring the best crowds,"

"Don't you have something else to do? Like kick a soccer ball around or fuck a cheerleader?"

"Well," His breath tickled my ear as every female in the hall glared daggers, "I was thinking about doing you after school, but-"

The guy was so close that I found myself backing up, away from him. We'd drawn a crowd now, rapt with attention as my shoulder blades grazed against a cold metal lock.

"I wouldn't mind starting now,"

_My _mind was racing at the speed of light and sound, praying that every superhero in the known universe would come whisk me away, back into the comic books. I went weak in the knees and begged for just one in particular, that just this _once, _he'd pull through for me.

"You like that, Monster Girl?" Trevor had his hands on either side of my body now, and it made me shiver.

"I wonder if Monster Boy ever makes you pant this hard," I swear to God and all that is holy, I felt his knee slide between my legs for just a second. And for just a fraction of a second, there was this crazy heat between us as we looked into each other's eyes. Me, glaring, and him, staring. And by that point, I was clenching my fist and smiling coy.

"Trevor?" I breathed, silky sweet and low.

"Yes, Raven?" His voice was so deep, you'd think we _were_ off in the bushes, figuring out how our pieces fit together.

"I want you to remember this, baby," I murmured, leaning so close I could smell a hint of cologne on him.

"Oh, I will, don't you worry," He whispered.

I punched him right in the nose and stalked off to homeroom as the blood glistened off my knuckles and a forgotten spider ring. The whispers just grew louder and louder as I walked away, swirling around me like a storm cloud that'd grow into a violent hurricane by the end of the day.

He was the only one I saw, in that haze. And for the first time in a long time, I think he saw me, too.

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><p><em>Love it? Hate it?<em>

_Drop me a review, those things make my world go round, I'm telling you..and if I get enough, I'll even think about updating. But that's all up to you guys._

_xoxo_


	2. Resident Evil

_The second chapter! Soo excited, and you guys will be too by the time you get to the end of it. Or at least, I hope you will be. Adding a new character into the mix, they're the only thing I own in this fic. Well, that and the plot. That's mine, too. _

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the "Vampire Kisses" series cause if I did, Rae would be with Trevor (in every way) by now. But because I'm not Ellen Schreiber or her lovely publisher, I don't own the books. So it'd be cool if you _didn't _sue me.**_

_The stuff in italics is me doing a flashback-y thing to the first chapter just in case you guys have forgot what's goin' on._

_Rated M for the usual, you peeps know the dealio._

_ It'd be great if you read this thing, but it'd be even cooler if you reviewed afterwards!_

_xoxo_

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><p><em>"Trevor?" I breathed, silky sweet and low.<em>

_"Yes, Raven?" His voice was so deep, you'd think we were off in the bushes, figuring out how our pieces fit together._

_"I want you to remember this, baby," I murmured, leaning so close I could smell a hint of cologne on him._

_"Oh, I will, don't you worry," He whispered._

_I punched him right in the nose and stalked off to homeroom as the blood glistened off my knuckles and a forgotten spider ring. The whispers just grew louder and louder as I walked away, swirling around me like a storm cloud that'd grow into a violent hurricane by the end of the day._

_He was the only one I saw, in that haze. And for the first time in a long time, I think he saw me, too._

"Well I'm glad you could join us, Miss Madison," The teach said it with false enthusiasm, didn't even try to hide it, didn't even look at me. She just sat on the edge of her desk, leaning back a little to let everything show. And _man_, did it show.

"Well I'm not," I said, taking in her outfit. I nearly choked on her perfume as I sauntered over to my usual seat: the back. She smelled like fucking strawberries.

"What was that?" I took my time sitting down, propping my boots up on the desk and leaning back in my chair like I thought I was hot stuff, too.

"What was that?" I mimicked, laughing as her smile faltered.

"I want you out of my classroom," She'd put her book down to say this, even jumped off the desk to try and look professional. It didn't work; it just made me laugh harder.

"That's cool, teach. Would've fallen asleep anyway," I hopped off the desk, grabbed my shit, and made my way up the aisle. No one was looking at her. They were all staring at _me_, now.

And I've gotta admit, I kind of liked the attention. Liked being noticed for something, even if it was getting kicked out of class. What the hell did I need English for? I know how to talk. I know how to form complete sentences, and I can even write a pretty good essay if it's on something I care about.

I looked her right in the eye as I passed by. She stared right back and I saw triumph in her swimming-pool-blue eyes.

"And y'know, I'd suggest wearing a different perfume. I'm horribly allergic to strawberries, so the principal will be hearing about how you tried to friggin' kill me this morning."

Her eyes narrowed at this, "You wouldn't d-"

"See, that's the thing. I _would _dare. And before you think you've got the upper hand, I'd think about buttoning your shirt, putting on real pants, and at least _trying_ not to act like you just stepped out of a Playboy mag. Cross your damn legs, we don't need to see any of that. These kids can't concentrate anyway, we don't need you frying our brains with all the skin you're showing. It's kind of disgusting."

She was fuming now, visibly shaking. "I have no idea what you're-"

"You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about, honey. So before you go to the Principal waving your _assests_ around," I smirked at this and took a step closer to her, "You'd better think twice because she's happily married. To a woman with a _lot_ more dignity."

"Get out," She jabbed a finger at the door.

I smiled cheekily and whispered, "Was just leaving, teach,"

The witch muttered something about the _goddamn goths in this town_ and I turned once more just before I walked out.

She was staring at me.

I leaned forward real fast, screamed, "_Boo!"_ and smiled when she jumped back against the desk. The class erupted in laughter and I swear, I heard someone say, "You go, girl!"

Score one for the goddamn goth. And go I would, but where, I wasn't quite sure. I guess I'd head down to talk to Smith. She was way cooler than the last principal we had. Marshall, he'd been a jackass to me. Made me scrub the girls' bathroom, mop up the cafeteria, and help out with teachers after school.

But like I said, Smith wasn't a jackass. So I guess I'd just chill in her office for a bit, have a little chat to her about the Barbie teaching my English class, and then...Iunno. I was mapping out the rest of the day in my head when I bumped into someone. When we collided they stumbled back a bit and I had to stifle a laugh when they muttered, "_Jesus friggin Christ!_"

"There's no way in hell I'm Jesus but-" I don't know what I was about to say cause I swear to God, my brain slipped out of my ear and fell to the floor in a pile of total mush.

The dude I bumped into?

Fucking _gorgeous._

I found myself stuttering like mad, the way my brother got when I told him Becky was coming over. It took a minute to find my voice and when I did I said the lamest thing on the frickin' planet.

"I'm not Jesus but I think I'm _definitely_ in Heaven," I put a hand to my mouth in the hopes that it'd shut me up.

The guy just smiled at me, oblivious to my sudden stupidity. I got shivers from the top of my head to the soles of my damn boots. _This _must've been what Becky felt when Matt kissed her the first time. Holy. Freaking Shit.

"Before I embarrass myself even more, what's your name?"

The grin just got that much wider. "Arren, and yours?"

"Me?" I heard myself giggle and mentally slapped myself, screamed, _Yes, _you!_ Idiot…_"I'm Raven."

"Well then, Raven. It's been a pleasure," He was still smiling and I couldn't help but think that his eyes were kinda familiar. Deep and dark and…dazzling.

I couldn't help but smile back, it was infectious, all of a sudden. He was dressed like me, sorta. Black. And let me just say, his skinny jeans looked _very _good on him. While I was wearing a _Staind_ shirt, he went for a _Phantom of the Opera_ number that defined every muscle on his chest. And damn, did he have a lot of those.

I was so busy drinking in every inch of this brand-new eye candy, I almost didn't notice what he was doing. It snapped me back to reality and managed to throw me right back into outer-space.

He bent a little and kissed my hand like they did in 18th century England, or where ever. He freaking kissed my hand, _mine!,_ and as he walked away, I fell –_swooned_- against the wall, sighing like the chick does in movies. Principal Smith chose just that moment to walk out of her office. It only took her a millisecond to notice the goth-girl-turned-mush leaning against the wall, loitering and obviously up to no good.

But instead of chewing me out for standing up to an apparent authority figure, she just grinned and said, "So it looks like _someone's_ met the new Sterling kid."

"Th-the new-"

The principal nodded her perfectly-highlighted head, smiling a little, "Just came in this morning. Imagine that, an exchange student who speaks perfect English!" She was beaming now, practically jumping up and down with enthusiasm, "And get this, he showed up in a-"

"Lemme guess," I said with shaking knees, "A hearse."

"Yes! It was the strangest thing, we don't really see too many got-" Principal Smith covered her mouth with her hand and trailed off.

"Well, rather," She smiled at me again and I smiled back, "We don't see too many people like you around here, Raven. You're a very special girl, and I don't mean that lightly so I don't want you to take it that way-"

"But how did you know that Arren drives a hearse?" She had her head cocked to the side, now, smile more inquiring than enthused, now.

"I-it was just a lucky guess. Was Arren with a guy with white hair? Red tips? Probably wearing a leather jacket and," I gestured to my shoes, "Boots like these?"

"Well yes, I think there was someone in the car who fit that description," She had a far-away look in her eye for a moment, and when she snapped back to reality I heard her ask, "Are you alright, honey? You look really pale all of a sudden, did you eat breakfast?"

"I-I'm…I'm fine, Principal Smith," I'd fallen against the wall, leaned against it and tried to breathe easy, quietly. But I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, couldn't stop the ringing in my ears or the shaking in my knees.

"Well you don't look it, Rae," I think she had her hand on my arm now, it felt good, cold. I think she was dragging me to her office, now, asking me to chill out in a chair while she got me some orange juice. And I think I mumbled things at the right times, but I wasn't really paying attention.

I tilted my head back, stared up at the blue-ish florescents, hoped the glare of 'em would wake me up. Because this was a dream, this just _wasn't_ real.

There was another Sterling guy. A hot one. And he'd already made friends with our own resident evil: Jagger Maxwell.

_And Alex isn't gonna swoop in and save my life again..._

So the question was, _who will?_

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><p><em>Gah for short chapters..I'm sorry! It really looks longer on Microsoft Word, I swear. Maybe that's cause everything's double-spaced...whatever!<em>

_Love the new turn this story's taking? Hate it, want Raven to get with Trevor already?_

_Send me a review if you're a cool kid, I wanna know whatcha guys think._

_Til next time! :)_


	3. Fuckin' Orange Juice

_Oh hey, look! I'm not dead! This story's been swimming around in the murky fanfic depths of my brain for quite a while now, and I thought I should do something about this. I actually wrote half of this chapter down on my phone a month ago when I couldn't sleep. Finally got to posting it now._

_For those of you who're still with me on this thing, thank you. You rock. You've got wayyy more patience than I do, seriously._

_Mostly a filler chapter with some fluff between Raven and Trevor. (Told you I'd get there!)_

_Sorry for any and all out of character-ness. It's been way too long since I've written fanfiction. Anyway! Read, review, and pleasepleasepeasee enjoy!_

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><p><em>But like I said, Smith wasn't a jackass. So I guess I'd just chill in her office for a bit, have a little chat to her about the Barbie teaching my English class, and then...Iunno. I was mapping out the rest of the day in my head when I bumped into someone. When we collided they stumbled back a bit and I had to stifle a laugh when they muttered,<em> "Jesus friggin Christ!"

_"There's no way in hell I'm Jesus but-" I don't know what I was about to say cause I swear to God, my brain slipped out of my ear and fell to the floor in a pile of total mush._

_The dude I bumped into?_

_Fucking_ gorgeous.

_I found myself stuttering like mad, the way my brother got when I told him Becky was coming over. It took a minute to find my voice and when I did I said the lamest thing on the frickin' planet._

_"I'm not Jesus but I think I'm_ definitely_ in Heaven," I put a hand to my mouth in the hopes that it'd shut me up._

_The guy just smiled at me, oblivious to my sudden stupidity. I got shivers from the top of my head to the soles of my damn boots. _This_ must've been what Becky felt when Matt kissed her the first time. Holy. Freaking Shit._

_"Before I embarrass myself even more, what's your name?"_

_The grin just got that much wider. "Arren, and yours?"_

_"Me?" I heard myself giggle and mentally slapped myself, screamed,_ _Yes, _you!_ Idiot…"I'm Raven."_

_"Well then, Raven. It's been a pleasure," He was still smiling and I couldn't help but think that his eyes were kinda familiar. Deep and dark and…dazzling._

_I couldn't help but smile back, it was infectious, all of a sudden. He was dressed like me, sorta. Black. And let me just say, his skinny jeans looked_ very_ good on him. While I was wearing_ a Staind _shirt, he went for a_ Phantom of the Opera _number that defined every muscle on his chest. And damn, did he have a lot of those._

_I was so busy drinking in every inch of this brand-new eye candy, I almost didn't notice what he was doing. It snapped me back to reality and managed to throw me right back into outer-space._

_He bent a little and kissed my hand like they did in 18th century England, or when ever. He freaking kissed my hand,_ mine!_,_ _and as he walked away, I fell_ –swooned– _against the wall, sighing like the chick does in movies. Principal Smith chose just that moment to walk out of her office. It only took her a millisecond to notice the goth-girl-turned-mush leaning against the wall, loitering and obviously up to no good._

_But instead of chewing me out for standing up to an apparent authority figure, she just grinned and said, "So it looks like_ someone's _met the new Sterling kid."_

_"Th-the new-"_

_The principal nodded her perfectly-highlighted head, smiling a little, "Just came in this morning. Imagine that, an exchange student who speaks perfect English!" She was beaming now, practically jumping up and down with enthusiasm, "And get this, he showed up in a-"_

_"Lemme guess," I said with shaking knees, "A hearse."_

_"Yes! It was the strangest thing, we don't really see too many got-" Principal Smith covered her mouth with her hand and trailed off._

_"Well, rather," She smiled at me again and I smiled back, "We don't see too many people like you around here, Raven. You're a very special girl, and I don't mean that lightly so I don't want you to take it that way-"_

_"But how did you know that Arren drives a hearse?" She had her head cocked to the side, now, smile more inquiring than enthused, now._

_"I-it was just a lucky guess. Was Arren with a guy with white hair? Red tips? Probably wearing a leather jacket and," I gestured to my shoes, "Boots like these?"_

_"Well yes, I think there was someone in the car who fit that description," She had a far-away look in her eye for a moment, and when she snapped back to reality I heard her ask, "Are you alright, honey? You look really pale all of a sudden, did you eat breakfast?"_

_"I-I'm…I'm fine, Principal Smith," I'd fallen against the wall, leaned against it and tried to breathe easy, quietly. But I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, couldn't stop the ringing in my ears or the shaking in my knees._

_"Well you don't look it, Rae," I think she had her hand on my arm now, it felt good, cold. I think she was dragging me to her office, now, asking me to chill out in a chair while she got me some orange juice. And I think I mumbled things at the right times, but I wasn't really paying attention._

_I tilted my head back, stared up at the blue-ish florescents, hoped the glare of 'em would wake me up. Because this was a dream, this just_ wasn't _real._

_There was another Sterling guy. A hot one. And he'd already made friends with our own resident evil: Jagger Maxwell._

And Alex isn't gonna swoop in and save my life again...

_So the question was,_ who will?

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><p>Smith got me some orange juice, took my temperature and cursed the nurse's two week-leave all in a matter of minutes. She fluttered around me like a hummingbird, the greens and blues of her blouse making my head spin as she asked me if I wanted this or that.<p>

_Jagger's back._ My brain wasn't really able to comprehend anything past that yet.

"Raven," A hand shook my shoulder and I jumped up out of my seat.

"Jagger!"

The soft green eyes that stared into my own seemed to darken at the sound of the name.

"If it's alright with you, Principal Smith?"

She nodded her little hummingbird head between bites of a granola bar. "t's fihne wih me." She swung the door open to her office and disappeared behind the frosted-glass window, murmuring, "Only if you take care of her, you hear?"

"Take care of me? Take care of me? He'll turn me into one of those brainless zombies from _Walking Dead,_ like hell he's gonna take care of me!"

Then he turned back to me and I became the hummingbird; he, the pray mantis.

"I will." His voice dropped an octave, maybe two, as he stepped closer to me and pulled me against him, into him.

I stood there, stricken, stricken and scared, silently counting backwards from a thousand to crush the weight of the blood humming behind my ears.

"Raven?" He pulled away to look at me and I looked at the floor. This wasn't what I wanted. Not with him. Not with anyone but-

"Alex...he…"

"Rae-" His eyes darkened again and his voice became deeper than it had been a moment before, as though the very _mention _of his name was cursed. Evil.

"Why are you here again? _Why?_" I beat my hands against his chest and tried knocking him against the desk but he was too fast. Too strong. He saw right through me, stupid mind-reader, and snaked an arm around my waist, let the other drape around my neck.

"Let's go home, Rae."

"Why? So you can boil my blood and feast on the pieces of my heart? Is that what you're after? Or is it my soul?"

He threw his head back and laughed, this empty, empty laugh that echoed across the walls.

"Your heart has always been what I've been after, Rae. But you left it with the dead."

I heard his voice as though I was underwater. The front lobby spun as I walked out of Smith's office, and then I was spinning, too. Falling right to the floor.

Warm arms caught me around my middle. "I'm only saying it because you've got a fever and you'll sleep it all off, soon, but I wish - I really wish you could leave a little piece of your heart with me."

"Do you want the ashes? Cause I could give you those, if it made you feel better. If it made you leave me alone."

"Just let me drive you home. I'll make sure you get inside and then leave you alone if you really want, alright?"

"Deal."

He let me go and we walked out into the watery sunshine together. I didn't let him touch me and he didn't try. Must have seen the look I gave him; nothing short of slow, smoldering torture. Death by dark chocolate eyes.

I swayed a bit here and there. Pushed him away when he tried to help me walk. My vision got a little thinner, a little grayer.

"Raven!"

My head hit the ground as I spiraled downward again, into the deepest, darkest tunnel, where blinking stars and spiral staircases greeted me.

A hand - _his_ hand - reached out of the night's shadow, casting a long, wavering one of its own. A gleaming band sat on his ring finger, plain and pretty, casting silvery moonbeams of light on the stairs he descended.

I ran to him like a fool.

And when our lips meet, when our breaths caught, he said the wrong name. He wore the wrong ring. The spider that had taken up residence on his ring finger had vanished. But he couldn't get rid of the web I'd inked across his hand all those months ago, when the heat of the summer took away the heat of the tattoo needle. I smacked him away with shaking hands, weak knees and watery eyes.

"Fuck you, Sterling," was the last thing I said before I slammed the door to the house on Benson Hill for the very last time. It resonated with anger and a bitter, lingering note of finality.

I woke up to varying shades of grey, black and beige. The grey - my sweatshirt. The black - my eyeliner. The beige - the couch. In...my living room?

I jerked upright and a steady hand caught me by the shoulders and pushed me back down. "Mom?"

"Hardly," The owner of the hand, still on my shoulder, said in a low murmur. His voice was almost...comforting.

"Trevor?" Tiny bits of Smith's animal crackers wormed their way up my throat - since when was his voice comforting? "What the hell are you doing in my house?"

I threw the first thing my hand made contact with. Turns out it was a pillow. One of those plush ones with all the fake-fur on it.

_Great, Raven. Great._

He caught it in the hand that wasn't on my shoulder and I laughed, sharply.

"Ooh, looks like Dullsville High's own goalie's finally got some hand-eye coordination going on!"

"I've got a lot more hand-eye coordination than that, babe. You wanna see?" His lips tugged up at the corners in a trademark smirk as his hand drifted from my shoulder to the strap of my camisole. The smirk only got wider when he saw me reach for another pillow.

"You want this one?" He asked, laughing as he handed over the one from his side of the couch. His knees were brushing up against my legs and I could feel the warmth of him like some kind of space heater. Trevor was smiling so earnestly now, almost innocently. Like he _wanted _me to deck him. Like he_ wanted_ me to act like a fucking child.

"Forget you!" I swatted the pillow away. "Go home! I don't want you here."

"That's not what you said in the car, baby," He said softly, dipping his head closer to mine as his lips spread out into a smile.

"Oh, fuck off. I was so out of it I don't know what I was saying."

"We already went over this, Rae. I don't want to fuck off, I want to f-"

I held a hand up in front of his face, signaling for him to stop talking. "Gross. I really don't need visuals of either, thanks."

"But you didn't even hear what I had to say." His bottom lip curled out in what was supposed to be a pout, but it just made him look like some sort of mentally-challenged fish.

I laughed the way I hadn't in a month. It was loud and obnoxious and had a bit of a girlish snort to it. Way to go, Trev. You've proved I've still got a sense of humor.

I made my way over to the kitchen, throwing the pillow at his head as I walked by. Threw over my shoulder, "Don't want to. Don't need to. And I really don't care to."

Yanked open the fridge and grabbed the orange juice, eggs, and milk. Threw open one of the cupboards next to the fridge and got out a bowl, some cinnamon and nutmeg, a couple mugs, some packets of hot chocolate, and the half-empty box of Count Chocula. Knelt down to the cabinets below the countertop and fished out a pan.

"Oh, c'mon, Rae." His voice was closer than before. "You know you want me."

"Course I do," I said as I cracked an egg over the bowl. I could feel his warmth again, creeping up on me from behind.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm," I cracked another egg over the bowl, imagining it as Alex's head. It made me feel better. Cracked another one. Decided that one would be Luna's.

"I want you to go to hell, of course."

I felt Trevor's arms snake around my waist and jumped a little when I heard his voice in my ear. "But baby, if hell's where you're going, I'd never wanna leave."

"Ew, I might get a disease from having to breathe in your nasty cologne for the rest of my afterlife. And that is _not_ a peaceful way to spend it."

He stepped back so I'd have room to move to grab a whisk and I almost - _almost _- missed his arms around me, if only for the heat. "Life's what you put into it. Guess the same thing goes for the afterlife, too." He laughed a little. "If you believe in one, anyway. I can never tell what you Goths think, these days."

I believed in _him_ and look where that got me, I thought. I wanted to tell Trevor what I'd see of the next life, what I knew of hell. But telling a guy that wants you like hell about a different guy who broke your heart, about a guy who took everything you ever had and just smashed it, about a guy you loved with the very pieces of everything he'd just broken? I couldn't tell Trevor any of that. He'd grab a baseball bat from his dad's closet. The titanium one. Or grab the semi-automatic from under his bed. The scary-looking one. Hell, maybe he'd take the bat _and_ the gun to Alex's fucking McMansion. And as much as I'd look to see that sorry excuse for a man in as much psychical pain as possible, I wasn't going to let Trevor get involved.

Because it's better to just forget the guy existed. Easier.

"What're you making, anyway? It's burning."

"What?" Trevor's voice, not to mention his close-contact with my ear, made me jump.

"I asked what you're making, Monster Girl?"

"French toast."

He smiled again, this smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle up at the edges. It was almost real. Almost nice. Almost…cute.

"Let me handle it, kid." He pushed me out of the way, gently, taking total control of the French-y mess.

"Kid? Kid? Since when the hell I am a kid?"

I could hear the smile in his voice, now. "Since that asshole broke your heart, you've started having panic attacks, horrible nightmares, and you really, really like throwing shit at me."

"Children don't have panic attacks, idiot!"

"They can if they've got asthma and way too much stress."

"How would you know about-"

"Fifth grade, Rae. We were on the playground, remember? Jen and her droids were hassling you about your outfit. You were wearing this pink and black skirt thing with a really creepy t-shirt on over it. You had this skeletal-looking butterfly clip in your hair."

"Dude, I was so fucking awesome back then-"

He glared at me from over his shoulder. "Don't make me take back what I said at school, Monster Girl."

I shut up.

"Anyway, you were flipping yourself around on the monkey bars and doing all these crazy gymnastics moves. Jen was probably jealous because I'd been watching you all recess. She threw sand in your face and stomped on your glasses. They broke into a million little pieces after those girls were done. You wailed on her, punching and kicking and maybe even biting."

"And then?"

"Then she got the upper-hand and wrestled you to the ground. There was still a whole lot of sand in your mouth and she was crushing your lungs. You couldn't breathe. And your inhaler was still in class. I ran to go get it but the door was locked. Our teacher was in a meeting and the other ones didn't have the key. So I ran over t'you, pushed Jen the hell out of the way, and kissed you like they did in the movies."

I screwed up my face in disgust. "No wonder why I don't remember. I must've blocked out all of fifth grade just because of that stupid day."

You nodded a bit and grabbed a plate out of the cabinet across from the microwave. Flipped a piece of perfectly browned French toast onto the plate, flicked a bit of butter on it and dumped some syrup on it. "Your eyes rolled back into your head when I started breathing for you. Your hand twitched and found my shoulder. There was a second where we were just looking at each other. I couldn't hear anything. Couldn't see anything but your pudgy little face. Didn't care about anything. All that mattered was that you were breathing. I think I cried, I was so relived. But then I came crashing back down to earth and you punched me square in the nose. I bleed all over the place, it was so gross. Ms. English made me go sit in the nurse's office for an hour, but it was worth it."

"That is one hell of a story. You see why I like him, Rae?" A voice floated over to us from the living room.

"Mom?" I jerked upright from leaning into Trevor. I'd been so caught up in his story I didn't realize how close our faces had been, our lips. He could've kissed me. He'd been so close, he could've fucking kissed me. But he didn't.

And the funny thing was, I kind of wished he had.

I'm blaming the orange juice for all stupid thoughts about Trevor. That shit tasted funny. And I still don't know what was up with seeing Jagger around in the office. Was it really him? Or was it just the pulp-y bits of oranges fucking around with my brain?

* * *

><p><em>So, whatcha think?<em>

_I think I need to work on this more. I miss you guys. I miss fanfiction. I miss Raven and Trevor and all my other imaginary couples. *sighs nostalgically*_

_Anyway!  
><em>

_Drop me a review, kids, and I'll promise to try and update this a bit more reguarly!_

_Til then? :)_


	4. Should've Been Grounded

_I'm baack! Again. But hey, this update came way sooner than I thought. So I guess that's a good thing. It was floating around at the back of my head, in that little fanfiction corner of my brain where happiness lives. So don't kill my happiness, guys! Read it already!  
><em>

_Warning: Excessive fluff may lead to fangirl squealing, squeeing, and other noises of total and complete elation. Read at your own risk. You've been warned._

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><p><em>"What're you making, anyway? It's burning."<em>

_"What?" Trevor's voice, not to mention his close-contact with my ear, made me jump._

_"I asked what you're making, Monster Girl?"_

_"French toast."_

_He smiled again, this smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle up at the edges. It was almost real. Almost nice. Almost…cute._

_"Let me handle it, kid." He pushed me out of the way, gently, taking total control of the French-y mess._

_"Kid? Kid? Since when the hell I am a kid?"_

_I could hear the smile in his voice, now. "Since that asshole broke your heart, you've started having panic attacks, horrible nightmares, and you really, really like throwing shit at me."_

_"Children don't have panic attacks, idiot!"_

_"They can if they've got asthma and way too much stress."_

_"How would you know about-"_

_"Fifth grade, Rae. We were on the playground, remember? Jen and her droids were hassling you about your outfit. You were wearing this pink and black skirt thing with a really creepy t-shit on over it. You had this skeletal-looking butterfly clip in your hair."_

_"Dude, I was so fucking awesome back then-"_

_He glared at me from over his shoulder. "Don't make me take back what I said at the school, Monster Girl."_

_I shut up._

_"Anyway, you were flipping yourself around on the monkey bars and doing all these crazy gymnastics moves. Jen was probably jealous because I'd been watching you all recess. She threw sand in your face and stomped on your glasses. They broke into a million little pieces after those girls were done. You wailed on her, punching and kicking and maybe even biting."_

_"And then?"_

_"Then she got the upper-hand and wrestled you to the ground. There was still a whole lot of sand in your mouth and she was crushing your lungs. You couldn't breathe. And your inhaler was still in class. I ran to go get it but the door was locked. Our teacher was in a meeting and the other ones didn't have the key. So I ran over t'you, pushed Jen the hell out of the way, and kissed you like they did in the movies."_

_I screwed up my face in disgust. "No wonder why I don't remember. I must've blocked out all of fifth grade just because of that stupid day."_

_You nodded a bit and grabbed a plate out of the cabinet across from the microwave. Flipped a piece of perfectly browned French toast onto the plate, flicked a bit of butter on it and dumped some syrup on it. "Your eyes rolled back into your head when I started breathing for you. Your hand twitched and found my shoulder. There was a second where we were just looking at each other. I couldn't hear anything. Couldn't see anything. Didn't care about anything. All that mattered was that you were breathing. I think I cried, I was so relived. But then I came crashing back down to earth and you punched me square in the nose. I bleed all over the place, it was so gross. Ms. English made me go sit in the nurse's office for an hour, but it was worth it."_

_"That is one hell of a story. You see why I like him, Rae?" A voice floated over to us from the living room._

_"Mom?" I jerked upright from leaning into Trevor. I'd been so caught up in his story I didn't realize how close our faces had been, our lips. __He could've kissed me. He'd been so close, he could've fucking kissed me. But he didn't._

_And the funny thing was, I kind of wished he had._

_I'm blaming the orange juice for all stupid thoughts about Trevor. That shit tasted funny. And I still don't know what was up with seeing Jagger around in the office. Was it really him? Or was it just the pulp-y bits of oranges fucking around with my brain?_

* * *

><p>"What're you doing home from work early?" I squeaked. My voice always did that stupid squeaking thing when I was nervous.<p>

Mom picked up on it, raising an eyebrow at me as she grabbed a plate of French toast. "The principal called. You know I always rush home when she calls, Rae. Why? Is there I reason I shouldn't be home?"

There was a slight emphasis on "shouldn't", and I knew she was hinting at why Trevor was here. Ever since what's-his-face and I broke up, she'd been hinting at a lot between me and Trevor. Psh. As if.

"Nah, Mom. Was just wondering, that's all." I made myself a bowl of cereal and headed for the couch.

"Hey!" My mom and Trevor called at once.

"What?" I spun around to face them with my mouth full of Count Chocula.

"I made all this French toast for nothing?" Trevor swiveled towards me at the same time my mom yelled, "Don't you walk away from me!"

I put my hands up in mock-surrender, then staggered back as though she'd shot an arrow through my heart. "I'm done for."

Trevor was suddenly right there next to me, grabbing my hand as I fell to my knees. I shrugged him off, moaning, "Leave me here to die."

"I got this," He whispered as he stood up and brushed imaginary dirt off his jeans. "I can get you out of anything, Rae."

He held a hand away from his body in a tight grip, as though dragging a sword across the carpet. Then he took off running to face the executioner.

All I heard was:

"Pardon thy princess, for she falls only in jest. She did not mean to anger thee. And if it may be so, your grace," I pictured Trevor going down on one knee in a low bow. "I would ask that you allow us fly away, as birds of a feather, fly together. Allow me, my liege, to treat thy princess to her chamber, and then thou shall see no more of me and my horrid treachery."

And then he walked back out of the kitchen with this shit-eating grin on his face.

"Are you serious?" I jumped up and down, laughing the whole time. His smile grew more lopsided as he jumped with me.

"All's well that ends well, dear princess."

I punched his shoulder as he led me upstairs. "Shut up."

_Yeah, that orange juice is definitely fucking with my brain._

"Hey, I was pretty good back there," He said as he slipped his hand into mine. I had the urge to kick him in a painful place, but decided against it since he'd just saved some serious face: mine.

"You were, actually. Which is pretty surprising, seeing as all you do is make out with Jennifer for three whole periods."

"The girl knows what she wants." He tugged me up the last stair and into his arms. "Unlike some people."

I felt my cheeks heat up like a match to a flame as he looked at me, expectantly. "Emily Asher?"

Trevor grinned and let me go. His lips said, "Like Emily Asher," smoothly, neatly. But his eyes, dark in the shadow of the stairwell, were clumsy with their secrets. They whispered differently.

We stood there for another second, another minute. I could hear my alarm clock ticking down the hall and a soap opera droning on downstairs. But for another moment, it was just me and Trevor at the top of the stairs. Not saying anything. Not moving. Just breathing against each other, my heart doing this wild dance in my chest the way it did when I'd been with -

"What're you guys doing?" Billy's voice screwed up my thought. He might as well have thrust a knife between us, Trevor and I jumped apart so fast. He raised an eyebrow at me, then at Trevor.

"No, really. What're you guys doing? Raven's always skipping school, and she's usually with-" I gave Billy a death-glare that stopped the name from leaving his mouth. He shut up fast and said to Trevor, "And you never skip. But I wouldn't say you've learned much this year. Besides Jennifer's Snow anatomy, anyway."

He pushed past Trevor and his gaping mouth, whining to my mother about some solar eclipse and could he get a telescope to watch it with Henry? She told him that if he didn't try to knock the dentist out with his own laughing gas next time, then they'd see about telescopes.

I couldn't get to my room fast enough, with the way Trevor was looking at me.

Looking at me like he'd been ready to kiss me.

Again.

* * *

><p><em>Looks like things are finally picking up between Raven and Trevor, huh? Yeah, I know. It's about time, right? <em>

_Thought I'd give you guys a little fluff here, since it's been almost two months since I've updated. But hey! I haven't forgotten about this story, I swear. I really haven't._

_More cotton candy goodness ahead when these guys go into Raven's room! XD When I read the word "fluff" on fanfiction, pink cotton candy always comes to mind. And I don't even like cotton candy, it's so sugary it makes me wanna puke or something.  
><em>

_Anyway!  
><em>

_More plot-centered stuff in the next chapter, I swear! This is all filler, I'm a bad author, IknowIknow._

_Til next time?_


	5. August Burns Red

_A/N: I'm baaackkk! It's only beeeennnn...what? Three, four months? I don't have any really good excuses except writer's block, but I suppose that's not a very good excuse, so on with the show! As always, a quick recap of the last chapter is in italics, and I don't own VK in any way. (That's why it's called fanfiction? ;))_

* * *

><p><em>"Are you serious?!" I jumped up and down, laughing the whole time. His smile grew more lopsided as he jumped with me.<em>

_"All's well that ends well, dear princess."_

_I punched his shoulder as he led me upstairs. "Shut up."_

_"Hey, I was pretty good back there," He said as he slipped his hand into mine. I had the urge to kick him in a painful place, but decided against it since he'd just saved some serious face: mine._

_"You were, actually. Which is pretty surprising, seeing as all you do is make out with Jennifer for three whole periods."_

_"The girl knows what she wants." He tugged me up the last stair and into his arms. "Unlike some people."_

_I felt my cheeks heat up like a match to a flame as he looked at me, expectantly. "Emily Asher?"_

_Trevor grinned and let me go. "Like Emily Asher." But his eyes, dark in the shadow of the stairwell, were clumsy with their secrets. They whispered differently._

_We stood there for another second, another minute. I could hear my alarm clock ticking down the hall and a soap opera droning on downstairs. But for another moment, it was just me and Trevor at the top of the stairs. Not saying anything. Not moving. Just breathing against each other, my heart doing this wild dance in my chest the way it did when I'd been with -_

_"What're you guys doing?" Billy's voice screwed up my thought. He might as well have thrust a knife between us, Trevor and I jumped apart so fast. He raised an eyebrow at me, then at Trevor._

_"No, really. What're you guys doing? Raven's always skipping school, and she's usually with-" I gave Billy a death-glare that stopped the name from leaving his mouth. He shut up fast and said to Trevor, "And you never skip. But I wouldn't say you've learned much this year. Besides Jennifer Snow's anatomy, anyway."_

_He pushed past Trevor and his gaping mouth, whining to my mother about some solar eclipse and could he get a telescope to watch it with Henry? She told him that if he didn't try to knock the dentist out with his own laughing gas next time, then they'd see about telescopes._

_I couldn't get to my room fast enough, with the way Trevor was looking at me._

_Looking at me like he'd been ready to kiss me._

_Again._

I sidestepped Trevor and pushed the door open to my bedroom. I could feel his body heat behind me as he walked into my room, giving a low whistle of surprise.

"Not what you were expecting?" I asked with a wry smile.

He nodded, seemingly in a mute state of awe as he spun around and checked out every poster on my wall, every CD in my bookcase, and every novel I had stacked up on my floor.

"This is so…pink." Was all he said. It sounded like it was all he could say.

I shrugged, laughing a little. "Yeah. I guess it is. I think I went through a bit of a princess phase for a second there when I was eleven." He walked over to my nightstand, probably drawn to it by all the strange knickknacks I kept lying around.

He picked up a couple snow globes, a replica of Cinderella's glass shoe, and a vintage pale pink alarm clock from the forties. "I like it."

I laughed again, pulling on my latest ear piercing nervously. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He spun around til he was facing me, alarm clock still in his hands. "I like this side of you, too."

"Well don't get too comfortable, buddy. I'm painting this joint black when I get the money." I gave him one of my wry smiles again.

"Black?" He gave me a classic what-is-wrong-with-you stare. "Why the hell would you do that, Rae? It looks fine in here. It's perfect."

"No it's not. I hate it. I wanted to get rid of all this shit earlier but I didn't because I could just _see_ my parents' faces if I did. I'd haul it all out in garbage bags and then they'd think they'd gone wrong somewhere, tell me I don't appreciate what I have."

Trevor's face seemed to darken in the shadows of my room. "I think they just did fine. My parents are another story."

He was sort of mumbling it under his breath, and he wouldn't look at me as he said it, but I think he added something else.

"Hm?"

"It's nothing, Rae. Forget I mentioned it." He spun around and headed in the direction of my laptop, but I grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back towards me.

"No, say it. I wanna know."

"Rae, it's nothing, really." He held up his hands in defense. "I wanna show you a song I played the other day at the country club, come on." He tugged at my arm.

"Not until you tell me."

He gave me the most exasperated, desperate look I've ever seen. And then his expression melted into its usual cool-guy mask and he became the Trevor I've always hated again. But for a moment, something warm and soft flicked across his face and in his eyes. My heart fluttered into my throat, but I swallowed it hard.

"Your parents did a perfect job, Raven. I don't think I've ever meet someone else as confident, smart, or beautiful. But it's more than that. I think that _you're_ perfect, even though the thought scares the hell out of me."

My heart slammed against my ribcage like a caged bird. He just said….he just…he couldn't really….

"What the fuck," I whispered as my hand flew to my mouth. Rebel tears stung my eyes and I didn't bother wiping them away. "Why would you say that to me? Don't you think I've been through enough by now? Do you even care?"

"Of course I care!" His jaw tightened. "I wouldn't have carried you to my car and driven you home if I didn't care! I wouldn't have made you French toast and then gotten down on one knee to make your mom forget about kicking your ass if I didn't care! And I wouldn't be here in your room trying to tell you how much I fucking care if I didn't feel something for you! Why do you do that? Why do you assume that everyone's out to get you?"

"Because no one cares! No one ever fucking cares! My parents don't care if I bring home the best damn grades my teachers can give me, my brother looks at me like I'm an insect to dissect, and I might as well be the lowest species on earth compared to Maattt!" I drew out his name the way my best friend would've, but even then, tears rolled down my cheeks and slept in the dip of my nose. "And on top of all that, my boyfriend goes and screws around with some beautiful college girl from the next town over. What the fuck is that, Trevor?"

Some of the anger in his eyes was extinguished, like when you throw water on a smoldering candle. He took a huge step towards me and whispered, "You are worth so much more than anything he could've ever given you. You're worth more than all the money in my entire college fund, but you still stand here and say that no one cares. That's where you're wrong. _I _care. And I will _always_ be here."

His eyes were a warm, vibrant green as he stepped away to look right into my face, right into my eyes. I was frozen in his gaze for a moment, and it was almost like I could see everything he was seeing, feel everything he was feeling. When I looked into his eyes, it was like I was watching myself from his perspective. And for a moment, just a moment, I believed him. But then the moment passed by on my vintage little alarm clock, and I pointed to the door.

"Be here, then. But just…not today. I think I need some space today."

He bit his lip, nodding like he expected as much. He leaned in like he was going to brush his hand against my forehead or something, maybe to check if I had a crazy fever, but decided against it and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'll see you around, then."

The mask was back in place by the time he looked into my eyes again. He swiveled on his heel and walked out of my room. I could hear him say a polite goodbye to my mother, and when she asked if he wanted to stay, he lied soft and smoothly, saying that he'd love to stay but had to be home for dinner soon. I closed my door and flopped onto my bed, trying to drown out the sound of his engine revving in the depths of my pillow.

The last thing I remember thinking before I passed out was "what the hell have I just done?".

Light assaulted my eyelids. It was like the sort of beam that'd come out of a flashlight. First there was only one, and then another appeared out of the gloom. It wasn't long before more and more beams appeared in every direction.

"Raven?" One of the lights asked.

"What the hell do you want from me!" I screamed, jolting awake just as a pair of vibrant green eyes stared into my own.

I threw the covers off me and swung my legs over the side of my bed. This was great. _Now I'm dreaming about him, too?_

I opened my door and walked down the hall to the bathroom. Turned on the tap and splashed cold water on my face like people do in movies. It didn't do shit, let me tell you. So I took a cold shower instead, hoping it would wake my muscles up and calm my heart down. But it didn't do much of anything, either. I gave up trying to calm down and settled down on the couch in the living room, surfing through endless TV channels. The whole thing got stupid after about two minutes; we had nine hundred something channels and nothing entertaining to watch? At this point, I didn't care if I watched fucking _Legally Blonde, _I just wanted a good movie!

I closed my eyes and picked a show from the TV's browsing section at random. It ended up on some movie channel. I think they were playing _Inception,_ which was fine with me. It's all about psychology, really. There wouldn't be any romance, any cheating, or anything like that. So it was fine. I could deal with that. I could totally get into this movie.

Then the guy from _(500) Days of Summer_ kissed this cute girl in a business suit and it tore my insides up. That was the way _he'd_ kissed me. That was the way _he'd_ held me. And that was the way _we_ used to look, to anyone on the outside.

"But everyone's a fucking liar," I hissed at the TV, not even caring that the actors couldn't hear me.

"Everyone's a what?" My mom's voice floated into the room as she passed by with a load of groceries.

"Nothing, Mom." I went back to channel surfing, put off by that split-second kiss.

"Well, I've got something here that I'm pretty sure will cheer you up. Come here and take a look, babe." She had a funny smile on her face and I couldn't decide if I liked it or not. Those smiles were usually the bad ones.

I followed her into the kitchen as she set the bag down on the countertop. She turned back around to face me, dropping two tiny pieces of paper in my hand.

"Okay? Big deal, you got a Lotto ticket."

She shook her head, beaming excitedly. "Not a Lotto ticket."

"Okay, then what-" I looked down at what was really in my hands and screamed as hard and loud as I have in six years.

"You got me tickets for these guys?!"

She nodded, smile becoming triumphant now.

"_You got me tickets for these guys?!"_

She nodded and I screamed again, twirling around in a circle that made my head spin. I didn't give a shit.

I didn't know what day it was. I didn't know if Trevor and I would ever be almost-cool again. And I didn't know if I'd ever go back to school again, but goddammit, I felt like the happiest girl in town when my mom gave me two tickets to go see August Burns Red.

Now all I needed was someone to go see them with. And I had a feeling I knew just the guy. He was tall, pale and incredibly out of my league.

Arren areyoufuckingserious Sterling.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Hmm...Idunno how I feel about this one, but you guys can tell me what you think. Criticism is welcome, seriously! But remember, there's a difference between being helpful and being a bitch. Don't tell me "this sucked", unless you provide examples of _where_ it sucked__ and _how _I can improve to make it less-sucky. But anyway! :D thanks for reading, and I really reallyyy hope you guys don't have to wait nearly as long for chapter six._


	6. Confused and Yearning

_It looks like this hurricane's good for something. I've been in a writing mood all day, let me tell ya. But anyway! I give you another fantabulous update for this hideous piece of fanfiction. I just finished the last book in the series a couple days ago, and I won't give anything away, but I nearly cried for Trevor. And that's something I never thought I'd do._

_As always, I own nothing._

_Read and enjoy it, peeps. Expect another update soon, maybe even before Halloween._

_Happy haunts. _

* * *

><p>I punched in Becky's number and ran upstairs to my room to tell her the good news. She screamed almost as loud as I did and I actually had to hold the phone away from my ear.<p>

"So are you going to ask him?!"

"Of course I'm gonna ask him!" I threw myself down on my bed, laughing as she shrieked.

"But he's got the same last name as Alex. They're probably brothers! And you can't just ask out Alex's brother, Rae. That's low."

I sighed and said, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Are you forgetting what Alexander pulled, Beckham? Of course I can ask Arren out. It's not like it's a date or anything. We'd just be going to a concert." I paused. "And dancing together."

"Aand?"

I thought about it some more. "And drinking whatever crazy shit they have there."

"Aaand?"

"And kissing. Maybe!" By the time Becky was done squealing, I had already tuned her out and zoned out of the conversation. My eyes wandered to my computer, where I was sure Trevor had pulled up that video for me.

"Hey Becky?"

"Hmm?" The way she answered made me think she was balancing her phone on her shoulder and painting her toenails.

"I think Trevor's sort-of-kind-of-_maybe_ in love with me."

Becky snorted. "Well, duh. He's been in love with you since kindergarten, Rae."

"That shit doesn't count, everyone's in love with someone, then. I mean, I really think he could be. He came over today and totally saved me from getting grounded for a month. But then when we were in my room, he-"

"He what? Did he kiss you? Did you like it? Are you scared you're going to the soccer-side, Rae? We've got cookies!"

I threw an arm over my eyes to try and block out the memory. "No, Becky. He got really sweet and he told me…" I couldn't say it.

"Told youuu…?" Becky prodded.

"He told me I'm perfect."

I could hear Becky's smile through the phone. "I've been trying to tell you that for years and you never listen. So why're you freaking out about it now?"

"Because this is Trevor, Becky. _Trevor._ The guy who screws anyone with a nice pair of legs and half a brain to say yes. I don't want to be one of those girls, you know? But the way he looked at me today…"

"What was it like?"

"It was like he was going to kiss me." I bit my lip. "And I almost let him."

Becky shrieked for the millionth time. "Raven Elizabeth Madison, are you insane? I think you've lost it. You've totally, absolutely lost it. And I love you for it."

My eyebrows knit together in confusion. "You…what?"

Becky huffed like I was the most frustrating person in the world. "Okay, you know what? Forget my toes. I'm coming over."

Less than half an hour later, Becky's truck pulled up into my drive way and I heard her ring the doorbell twelve times. I don't know why parents don't answer those things when they _know_ who it is.

After the ninth ring I yelled, "Just come inside already!" and she rang the bell again just to piss me off. I rolled my eyes when she threw my bedroom door open and launched herself onto my bed.

"You'd better know that you're the best friend I have. My toes are suffering for you." She gestured to her feet, nails all smudged with pale pink polish.

I smirked. "Have Matt do them."

She thought about it for a second and a slow grin spread across her face. "He can do more than that."

"Oh, gross." I scrunched up my face in disgust and simulated puking. "Spare me the details."

"Sure thing." Becky sat up and folded her legs pretzel-style before turning to look at me. "But seriously. What's this about you and Trevor kissing?"

"_Almost kissing._ We got interrupted by my mom, and then Billy, and then the last time I kicked him out of my house."

"Is he that physical with you? Damn, I'm gonna have to have him show Matt a thing or two."

I threw a pillow over my face and shut my eyes tight. "Becky! Images!"

She laughed and smacked the pillow away. "Sorry, sorry. But really, what's the deal? I knew he was into you and all, but I never thought you'd actually give him a chance."

"I'm _not _giving him a chance."

Becky gave me a look.

I sighed and reached for the pillow. She snatched it away before I could try and suffocate myself with it. Smart girl….

"Alright, alright. So I'm sort of letting him in. I'm not trying to lead him on or anything, I just…I don't know what to do. One minute, he's really cute and sweet with me. And then he morphs back into the demon-child we grew up with and I want to shoot him in the face."

"You used to say that about Alex when you guys had those fights, remember?" She smiled a little.

"Yeah but I never called Alex cute. He was sexy."

Becky shrugged. "Yeah, that's true. If you're not sure about what your feelings for Trevor are, maybe you should go to this concert with Arren. It'll take your mind off Trevor _and_ Alex. You can be yourself around this new guy, and maybe if you hit it off, you could make Trevor jealous."

"You mean, I could like…advertise my relationship with Arren?" I sat up on the bed, totally listening now.

"_Hello? _Earth to Raven? You've got two gorgeous guys after your heart. So do what I wouldn't know how! Play with their emotions the way everyone else has played with yours!"

I gave Becky a high five. "I _knew_ there was a reason I kept you around!"

"Yeah, I knew it too." She grinned. "Wanna watch Dracula?"

I was surprised for a sec. Becky wanted to watch my favorite movie of all time? Weird. I suddenly wasn't feeling up for it. Or any goth-y movies at all, really.

"No, let's watch that one about the girl named after a star or something."

"_The White Oleander?_" Becky grinned from ear to ear.

"Yeah, that one."

She shrieked and threw her arms around me in a hug. "I'll go get the popcorn and Kleenex!"

Two and a half hours later, Becky and I were both sprawled out on my bedroom floor with teary eyes and empty popcorn bowls.

"That part where they were under the pier-"

"And when her mom went to jail-"

"And when…and when…" I couldn't find the words to finish my sentence. This was one of those rare movies that got me crying like a baby.

"You wanna watch _The Notebook_ next?"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Nah, that one's for sissies. Let's go make brownies or something."

Becky's eyes twinkled. "Special brownies?"

I rolled my eyes and tugged her to her feet. "Yes, Beckham. Special brownies. Made with love."

She giggled and followed me downstairs.

If I had stayed in the room for thirty more seconds, I would've seen a lanky shadow dash across my backyard and into the street.

And I would've known it was him, spider ring or not. Because I knew him as well as I knew the path to that stupid, broken-down cemetery, or the spidery, cracked driveway his car sat in.

And my heart would've yearned for him the way Buffy yearns for Spike. But I would've drilled a silver spike into my heart and frozen it solid. Or at least, if I had seen him, then, I would've hoped that's what I would've done.

When I started drowning my brownies in a glass full of milk, even my mother looked a little concerned. "Milk? You never drink milk."

"Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf, going on one of those crazy diets where all you do is dance in front of the TV."

"I'll have you know that those things work wonders." My mom snuck a glance at the pan of brownies with obvious longing.

"Mom, you don't need to be on a diet. Just eat the brownie, okay? I even frosted them."

Her hand lingered over the one with vanilla frosting – I'd dolled it up to make it look like a ghost. A big, fat, square ghost with laughing lips and red eyes.

"Alright, alright." She snatched the brownie up and onto a plate so fast, you'd think she hadn't eaten anything in months.

She kissed my forehead as she walked into the living room and whispered, "Cheer up. It's not the end of the world. Things will get better, trust me."

That night, I dreamt the whole town had been turned into vampires to serve in Luna and Jagger's army. He wanted to make me his undead queen or something equally as fabulous. But I turned him down for the tall, pall and gorgeous -

_Trevor?_

Soccer-snob flashed a smile at me from the driver's side of his Corvette. When he leaned into me, I could feel a pair of glistening silver fangs brushing against my mouth in a kiss.

I woke up screaming so hard, I cried.

_This has to stop._ I reached for my phone to punch in the numbers that I knew would take me back to the lonely attic room on Benson Hill. He'd answer. He'd apologize. He'd talk to me in that low, sleepy voice he did when I'd just interrupted a midnight painting session. I knew all these things, just like I knew he was waiting for me to call. But I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. Not tonight. Not anymore.

I threw the covers on me and grabbed something clean from my closet. I had it all on in under five minutes, and my hair was decent in three. I slipped my combat boots on and was just getting ready to head downstairs when I felt my cat brush against my legs in the dark. I almost jumped, a little freaked from my dream, but then relaxed when Nightmare's calm green eyes stared up into my face.

_Where are you going?_

"There's someone I've gotta see," I whispered as I pulled on a hoodie. "And it isn't any of the Sterling boys, this time."

She padded back to my bed and curled up against my pillow as if to say, _I'll be here when you get back. Window's unlocked._

I grinned at my cat and closed the door to my room. I shuffled down the hall as stealthily as I could, making sure to be super quiet in my monster boots. I made it to the stairs okay, but a creaky door opening behind me made me wince.

Caught.

"Raven?" Billy's sleepy voice called.

"Yeah, honey?"

"Are you running away?"

I turned around to see my brother in a loose t-shirt and Star Wars pajama bottoms. He had dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in a while, and his lip was trembling hard like he was going to cry.

"Billy…"

"Cause if you're running away, do it now. I won't tell them, just do it now before I try and stop you."

I dropped my bag and ran over to my brother's side, scooping him up in a hug. "I'm not running away, okay? I'm not leaving you, or mom and dad. I love you guys. There are just some things I need to deal with right now, and I think I need to deal with them on my own."

Billy hugged me back, hard. "I know. And I'm here for you, even if I roll my eyes and make fun of you sometimes. I know you loved him, and I know this is really hard for you. It's hard for me, too. You're my sister and I don't like seeing you hurt."

I set Billy back on the ground and he grinned at me like the nerd he was. "I want to slam my telescope into his face. He'd be in the hospital for days, you know. That thing's state-of-the-art titanium."

"You're the best, little bro." I hugged him one more time and then pulled away. "But don't tell anyone I said that, or you won't live to see the sun, got it?"

He nodded. "Got it. Just be careful out there, okay? I saw someone sneaking around outside earlier tonight."

My heart sank to my stomach. It couldn't have been him. It couldn't have been….

As I said goodnight to Billy and sped off on my bike for the Mitchell's house, I couldn't help but think that I knew he'd try to come back. That was the one promise that stupid vampire kept.

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><p><em>So, what'd you think? I promise you guys I WILL get to the whole "army of vampires" thing you saw in my first VK fic. I swear it, I will. Just give me another chapter or two, I'll get there. If you guys really, reallyy like this chapter, I'll get to work on the second one and have it posted by Wednesday for your Halloween pleasure. ^_^ How's that for a treat, eh?<em>

_Happy reading, and stay safe in this storm. Seriously, though. Don't go to the beach, don't go to any flooded areas. You're not Superman. You can get swept away. So! Stay indoors, stay safe, and stay cozy._

_ Thanks for reading!_


	7. In Too Deep

_I'm actually kind of proud of this chapter. I really wanted to delve into Raven's relationships with both boys in this chapter, and you'll see exactly who by the end. I'm sorry for any OOCness, I tried really hard to get everyone pretty in-character. For those of you who demanded that Raven "get with Trevor" already, there will be plenty of getting in the next couple of chapters. Rest assured, this chapter's isn't shameless filler. It really does have a point. Read it. You'll see._

_*Cookies for anyone who can see the shameless shipping of some of my favorite people!*  
>Your hint: they're famous people!<em>

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><p>As I pedaled along Dullsville's sleepy streets, I couldn't help but feel like someone was following me. But every time I looked back, darkened windows and shadowy driveways greeted me. The ride to Trevor's house was basically a long stretch of road that formed a wide circle. It wound around the Mansion like a moat, but I didn't dare glance back at that hill. I would rather spend my night screaming at Trevor's window than slam that huge serpentine knocker against <em>his<em> door. I'd never gone to Trevor for help before, but I was desperate. Alexander had slipped through my fingers like the watery, fake blood you buy on Halloween. I knew that Becky would always support me, but I couldn't go to her in the middle of the night and confess that my first love had been a vampire, now could I?

I almost laughed at the thought of it. She'd scream. She'd faint. And when she woke up, she'd find me a nice little rehab center to lock me up in. So I couldn't go to Becky. I couldn't even go to my vampire gal-pals – they'd get hurt that I didn't want to see my family and friends get turned into an army of the undead. They'd take it personally. And I certainly couldn't go to Jagger. He would probably try to take a bite out of me and make me his vampire queen after all. I shuddered as I made the long loop onto Trevor's street. His house was set a bit farther back from the others, and I felt another shiver creep up my back as I got off my bike. There was someone watching me. I could feel it.

I whirled around to face Trevor's backyard. If Alexander really was the one watching me, he'd hide.

Trevor's fence was unlocked. The door swung on its hinges in the autumn breeze, creaking softly.

I passed by it slowly, trying to keep quiet. Even if it was just Alexander, I didn't want to alert anything to my presence. There were scarier things in this town than a gothic painter and his creepy butler. I shot a quick glance at my surroundings. Trevor's old swing set was still here from when I'd thrown him off it back when we were in third grade. The sandbox he'd pushed my face into in first was still here, too. The swanky new swimming pool in the middle of the lawn was definitely an upgrade, though.

I walked around the pool's rim and stared at the water. The crescent moon reflected off the water's surface, casting a pale, silvery light across the water's surface. But I jumped away from the pool when I realized my own reflection wasn't there.

"Looking for something?" A low, velvety voice asked from behind me. My blood ran cold. _I know that voice..._

Strong arms pulled me under the shadows of an oak tree, and if the hands against my hips weren't so cold, I swore I could've been back in time with Trevor. He'd tried to kiss me during one of his crazy summer parties before the Sterlings had moved into town. Before I'd fallen in love. Before I'd realized I'd been digging my own grave.

Warm, chocolate brown eyes met my own. He stared at me with such a sudden, sweet intensity, it was almost like we were in love again. In love and alone in his entertainment room, kissing for hours in the dark. But as he leaned into my lips and pushed my back against the tree, I saw a flash of deep, dark red in his eyes that made my heartbeat race.

"You haven't eaten today, have you?" I tried to keep my voice strong, but it came out as a low whisper.

"I haven't eaten in days." He brushed my hair away from my neck, breathing in deeply like he was savoring the scent of my skin. "But that isn't what's important, now. What's important is that you and I are together again."

He flashed me a genuine smile. "I need you, Raven."

My eyes darted up to his. "What did you just say?"

He leaned into my body to kiss me up and down my neck, trailing kisses as light as butterfly wings over my jaw. "I need you."

My body went limp, falling into his kiss the way I'd done a thousand times before. My head hurt. Stars danced across my vision. And even as my knees went weak for Alexander's kiss, my heart thundered in my ears.

"This isn't how it was supposed to be…" I pushed him away with all the strength I had, but his lips stayed rooted to my neck. He laughed low in his chest like I'd just told him the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

"You're right." He pulled away to smirk at me. "I should have made sure Jagger remembered the blood-wine."

My knees nearly gave out from under me. Alexander caught me in his arms at the base of the oak tree and laid me down on my back. "The blood-wine?"

He nodded, still smiling slightly. "Yes, love. If you truly want to be bonded with me for the rest of eternity, we each have to drink an entire glass of blood-wine." He stroked my hair, gently. "We've discussed this, remember?"

As soon as I opened my mouth to answer, someone else cut me off.

"Well then maybe we should discuss how my fist is about to disconnect your jaw from the rest of your face." Calloused hands grabbed Alexander by the shirt and threw him off me.

But Alexander rebounded fast and was up on his feet again in an instant.

"I hope you don't truly think you can stand in the way of my future with Raven." Alexander said as he rolled up his sleeves. "Because I would end you before you could even dream of such an opportunity."

My blood ran cold. "Alexander, what're you saying?"

The two guys had started circling each other like wild animals about to rip each other apart. They danced around each other slowly, waiting for the other to falter. When Alexander was facing the oak tree again, he said, "I'm saying that I would make sure Trevor would never get in your way again. He'd never annoy you in school or harass you at the dinner. Isn't that what you want?"

He made the mistake of looking me right in the eyes, giving Trevor the opening he needed to slam Alexander into the ground. Tears welled up in my eyes as Trevor's fist swung into Alexander's nose. I could hear the crunch of Trevor's knuckles connecting with Alexander's nose, and a crisp _snap_ as someone's broke.

"Stop it," I said as the wind howled overhead. It'd started to rain and the drizzle stole my voice. They couldn't hear me. They were still thrashing around in the mud. I stood up and bounded right over to the pool area's edge. The tiles underneath Alexander were smeared with the bright, bright red I knew was blood. But I still prayed it wasn't.

"Stop it!" I screamed as I shoved my way in between them, hands fisted into their shirts. Trevor stared deep into my eyes as he lowered his fist. He'd been inches away from hitting me right between the eyes. I could see his mouth moving fast to try and apologize, but I put a hand up to stop him. "Go back inside. I can handle this."

"But Raven-"

I shook my head. "No, Trev. Just go back inside, okay? This is something I need to do on my own."

He bit his lip and cast a glance at Alexander, half-lidded and bleeding all over his new pool tile. "Be careful. I'll be right behind that glass door, okay? There'll be three inches of glass separating you and me. And I'll be right there next to you to kick some serious ex-boyfriend-ass the second you scream."

I felt my lips curve into a sad smile as I pushed Trevor away. He did what I asked and went back inside, eyes on my back the whole time. I shook Alexander by the shoulder, rousing him into consciousness. His eyes snapped fully open and he looked at me like I was the most precious thing he'd ever seen.

"Raven…?" His voice was thick, like he'd just woken up from a long, deep sleep. But the blood dripping from the side of his mouth told a different story.

"What is it, Alexander?" I waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts. A heartbeat went by. Two, three…

"I am sorry our last meeting had to be this way." He reached for my hand. Stray tears ran down my face as I saw the spider ring resting on his finger.

"So you're really leaving, this time?" The tears wouldn't stop, even as I tried not to break down.

"I believe it would be in your best interests," He paused and looked to the sliding glass door where Trevor watched. "And perhaps even my own, if this was the last time we saw each other."

"I….I understand." I whispered as a tear fell onto his hand and mingled with the blood that was already smeared against his skin. He wiped it away with his mouth, closing his eyes for a moment to savor the taste.

"Your tears tell me that you don't." He smiled sadly. "But I know that you will, one day." He ran his fingers through my hair once, twice. "Please don't cry for me anymore, after today. I'm doing this because I love you."

"Don't start that again," I hissed through tears. "Don't you dare start that shit again. If you loved me as much as you say, you'd stay with me. You'd work it out with me. But instead, you're running away to Romania."

He smiled again, but it somehow looked a touch sadder than before. Broken, even. I watched him get up and walk away with a limp in his step and a tear in his shirt. I watched him leave my life again for the fourth and final time. And I didn't scream until I knew he was long gone.

Trevor came running just as he'd said. He didn't say a word, just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and lead me inside. He had me sit in a chair and turned on the mini-TV across from the kitchen table as he fixed me a warm mug of hot chocolate. He set it down gently in front of me and then receded into the shadows of the kitchen again, murmuring that he'd make me something to eat if I was hungry. I think I shook him off, think I told him it was fine, but as I looked down into my hot chocolate, I had a feeling things wouldn't be fine again for a long, long time.

I sipped away at my drink and zoned off into my own thoughts when the four o'clock news came on. I registered Trevor's warm presence beside me, vaguely noting that he'd made himself something to drink, too. The sweet smell of cinnamon and chai wafted around me in lazy circles and I leaned into his shoulder. "Do you want this instead?" His eyes lingered on my own; I was sure I must've looked like the living dead. "I can make you some, it's no problem."

I shook my head, hard. "No. Just need someone to cry on."

He settled back into his seat and relaxed a little. "Okay. I'm here, then."

We sat like that for at least an hour, talking about meaningless things like school and soccer and how cold the weather was getting. I buried my head deep into the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent, a strange combination of freshly cut grass, rain, and cinnamon-swirl chai. It wasn't anything like what I was used to, but maybe that's why I clung to Trevor's shirt. Maybe that's why I threw my arms around his neck. Maybe that's why I pressed my mouth against the skin of his shoulder and told him everything.

Trevor and I had moved to his living room by the time I was done spilling my guts. Some random action movie was on in the background, but we weren't really watching it. It was just white noise to fill the space.

"I'd rather watch the whole Transformers series before I wasted another minute on this shit. It's frying my brain!" He whispered against my ear.

I laughed and whispered back, "Like you had one to begin with?"

We settled into an easy banter about his smarts that drown out the next half-hour of the movie. Trevor was right about one thing, though. It was a pretty pointless flick. By the time it was over, we were laying on the couch with my head in his lap, his hand in my hair, when a line from one of the news story caught my attention, "the Mansion on Benson Hill caught fire early this morning…investigators say no one was home at the time, but that the property has sustained sufficient damage."

My eyes met Trevor's in a heartbeat. We sprang up from the couch and ran for the kitchen just as Scott Westerfield turned it back over to Holly Blake. Her smile was radiant, and her skin was practically glowing. From the flirty way she said, "Thanks, Scott," it looked like they'd been sharing a little more than the six o'clock news reel. Trevor's voice at my ear sent shivers down my spine.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Heat rose to my face as I remembered that party last summer when he'd nearly kissed me against that old oak tree. "Probably not. Why? What're you thinking?"

When I turned around to look at him, his expression was dark and thoughtful. "I'm thinking that Jagger and those creeps at his club have something to do with this."

I let out an inward sigh of relief. "It's a possibility. We should look into it."

Trevor smiled slightly as he took a step closer to me. "Know what I want to look into?"

My heart hammered against my chest. "Hm?"

"Why your pulse is racing a mile a minute." He ran his hand from my jaw to the vein in my neck. "And why you keep looking at me like you don't know if you're going to kiss me or kill me for what I did, back there."

He gave me a crooked smile as he brushed his thumb along my collar-bone. "But I don't mind. I'll take either, as long as it's from you."

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><p><em>Now that my shameless fluff episode is over with, I'd just like to repeat that this chapter IS essential to the plot. I'd also like to point out that I <em>do _have one, and it's shaping up quite nicely. I should be cranking out chapter 8 in the next week or so, so stay tuned. The undead army will rise! But will Raven be at the helm with her gothic-prince at her side? Or will the soccer-snob melt the frost around her heart? _

_Well, because this is a Traven fic, I think I'll just have to ruin that potential plot twist and tell you to expect the latter._

_Did anyone get my shipping hint? XD I don't know what possessed me to do that, I really don't, I just needed names and there they were! of course, I altered them slightly, but. Chu know. It's still a ship! (A crack-ship, at that.)_

_Til next time, my lovelies! And remember: reviews (especially really long, constructive ones) motivate me to write faster, better chapters! _


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